I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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