TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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