Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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