Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
