Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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