capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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