idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
