okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize