peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
