Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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