i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
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We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize