it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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