You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
