So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
