Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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