They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
