You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
