If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
