After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
