i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
