To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
