Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
