...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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