omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
