Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
