Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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