Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
