I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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