There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
