My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i permit you to call me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
