It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
