I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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