Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
