Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
