when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
