pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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