mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
