The maid of honor just puked.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
