When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
