I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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