as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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