There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
