I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
