I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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