ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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