don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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