I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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