I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
