he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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