i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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