Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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