You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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