did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
