After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
