Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
