So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
