Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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