Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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