just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
