If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
