overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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