My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
