I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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