For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize