someone owes me an orgasm
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
