Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I want to fling myself into the sun
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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