I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
