I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
